Spending March w/ Jesus 3-13-09 "Jesus Makes Me Frustrated."

Imagine feeding all these people on just a couple loaves of bread and 2 fish. Then having leftovers.

Jesus Feeds 5000 people

Read John 6:1-14

I almost am at the half way point of the month in which I have set out to study Jesus through the gospels. One may think that I would be super excited about what I am reading each day and that I would be on a spiritual high. That's very far from the case. I am actually more frustrated today, than I have been in a while.

I'll preface this blog by telling you this. I believe in miracles. I have seen some miraculous things in my life and believe that God can do anything without exception. However, here's my issue. I have never seen miracles like I have been reading about these past 2 weeks. The miracles that I have seen, primarily have to do with the unseen miracles that are not a part of the physical realm. For example, I can see the miracle of regeneration in my own life, no doubt that God gave me a new heart. I can intellectually understand the miracle of justification in which scripture teaches about. I have heard the voice of God verbally in which God spoke to both Beth and I on the same day and said the same thing. I have seen the divine appointment in which I met the perfect person at the perfect time for a God sized reason. The list can go on.

However, I have never seen the undeniable, no questions asked, must have been God, miracle; in the physical sense. Most of the things I have seen can be written off as pure luck, maturity, or coinciedience. For example; I have already blogged about how Jesus turned water into wine, raise people from the dead, pulled a demon out of someone, walked on water, told a storm to "get the hell outta here", escaped a raging mob, healed the blind-deaf-bleeding-dead-sick-poor-etc. All of those things are actual, physical, undeniable, miracles unlike anything I have ever seen.

Every time I come to scripture I see more and more of the miraculous. Jesus was a man who did miracles; and performed signs and wonders. Today a typical Christian barely ever claims any real power which totally contradicts Jesus' words when he said in Acts and Matthew that "we would receive power." Instead, I find myself taking all of the miracles and the supernatural that Jesus accomplished thru teh power of the Holy Spirit and and trying to put some sort of stupid, dumbed down, spin on it so that I don't have to explain why I do not see those things in my life.

Then came today. Jesus took a couple of fish and some bread and fed up to 20,000 people with leftovers. I was about to write some stupid parable about how Jesus wanted to show us that he was the bread of life and is able to fill all of our needs. Na, that's just the wrong answer. Jesus wanted to feed his people and he had the power to do it. They were hungery and he decided to feed them. END OF STORY.

I think that as a Christian I have the right to be frustrated that I do not see the same, or ever similar power in my own life. Does the Holy Spirit not work anymore? Do I not have enough faith? Do I not believe or trust? Does God not want to do those things anymore? I think that American Christianity has taught me to try to and to God for an answer on how to fix something, rather than going to God with the trust and faith that he will supernaturally and miraculously do it himself. The Holy Spirit does work; I do have faith, I believe and trust; and I believe that it is Gods heart to do the supernatural still. I guess I'm just missing something.

God, help me see the supernatural. I want to see the crazy things that I am reading about. Grow my faith so that I will trust you and your ability to do anything. I want to see it.

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