Married Sex: Is it OK for us to _______? (Post #3; Day 2)

There was a recent comment that we need to address on the topic of sex. We hope that the other posts will also address this, but for now here are our thoughts. 

Anonymous said... 

I appreciate the candid blog.. BUT! That I was hoping to actually hear a bit more on how this is played out in the bedroom. Not graphic details.. but I think one thing that is lacking in our Christian Communities is more people talking about Sex and the different ways to experience it. We as Christians feel somewhat guilty if we provide Oral Sex to our husband for instance. Why? Is this wrong? Is everything accepted in the bedroom. Are their things you can do that will draw you closer to each other than apart? If so, please do tell us.. anyone? Anyone?

Matt Chewning said...

In reference to the question above, here are my thoughts..... The Bible says that “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral" (Hebrews 13:4). Scripture never says what a husband and wife are or are not allowed to do sexually. Husbands and wives are instructed, “Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time (1 Corinthians 7:5a). This verse perhaps lays down the principle for sexual relations in marriage. So, whatever is done, it should be mutually agreed upon. No one should be encouraged or coerced to do something he or she is uncomfortable with or thinks is wrong.

If a husband and wife both agree that they don't mind an would like to try it, (e.g., oral sex, different positions, sex toys, dirty talking, role playing, etc.), then the Bible does not give any reason why they cannot.

However, 2 things I would warn against are..... 

1. Adultery is sin even if your spouse allows, approves, or even participates in it. Therefore, any sexual act is for the married couple ONLY!

2. Pornography appeals to the “lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes” (1 John 2:16) and is therefore condemned by God as well. A husband and wife should never bring pornography into their sexual union.

Beyond that, there is nothing that Scripture explicitly forbids a husband and wife to do with each other as long as it is by mutual consent. Now, if there are selfish motives or degrading activity that leads to sin or one party being hurt or uncomfortable, that's different. Beyond that, feel free to get your freak on in any which way your two little hearts desire. Feel no guilt or shame in doing it and as long as it is mutually enjoyable have as much fun as you like. There is no part of your body or your spouses body that God says should be off limits as long as nobody feels abused, degraded or has a check in their conscience. Actually, there is great holiness to be found in fully giving yourself to your spouse.

I would encourage every married couple to experiment as much as they desire, with their spouse, in achieving the maximum about of pleasure you can by the grace of God in your marital union.

Have fun!!

For even more thoughts on this, check out this post. "What's OK and What's NOT"


Anonymous said...

I would seriously add this caution: there still is a very big and very real difference between lust and intimacy -- even between married persons. The "lust of the flesh" that you quote could apply to each thing you parenthesized. There is much more to consider beyond "if husband and wife agree."

Remember that while all things are permissible, not all things edify. (1 Corinthians 6:12-13, 10:23) Whatever you do, you should do it for the glory of God. (1 Corinthians 10:31) The question would be: "Does this edify me and my partner and glorify God?" not "Does the bible have a rule against this?" We aren't legalists looking to see how far we can go while staying inside some religious guideline. We are instructed to love and honor our spouse.

Hebrews 13:4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

Ephesians 5:28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

Matt Chewning said...

If both spouses are in agreement and willing to participate, I'm curious on how they wouldn't be able to glorify God in their actions and how the quoted verses go against my post or are in disagreement with my post. It seems in scripture that there would be no such thing as sexual lust after your spouse. Now, if there was selfish motives or degrading activity that leads to sin or one party being hurt or uncomfortable, that's different.

Anonymous said...

Your last sentence here would be the key that might have been more explicitly stated in your original post rather than than "get your freak on." Considering the sinful nature of man, your encouragement to do that as well as saying you believe that limiting a spouse could actually be sin could encourage disastrous abuses. Wisdom would caution the difference between the beauty of marital intimacy and lustful sexual gratification. As Jesus stated time and time again in his messages: it's all in the attitude of our hearts.

Matt Chewning said...

That is good wisdom and thoughts. I made minor changes in the post to address that. Thank you.