The entire month of April has been a rough one for me spiritually. In March I did a 30 Days with Jesus where I felt that God was so close and that I was feeling Jesus literally move in my life. I was experiencing victory over temptation, I was experiencing supernatural wisdom and revelation when I was in God's word, I was enjoying the presence of God during corporate worship on Sunday's.Then April hit. Its been a tough month spiritually. I have struggled to be consistent in the word, although I did memorize all of Psalm 1 this month. I've felt like the word has been harder to understand this month, I felt like Christ has departed, and temptation seems much more attractive than it has in previous months.
I was sharing this with someone this week and he dropped a line to me that I had never though of before. This is what he said. "Those moments when God seems so far are just as Holy and God ordained as the ones when God seems so close."
Psalm 13 says:
How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, O LORD my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.
It seems that David has felt exactly what I have been experiencing. Praise God for being so close at the time when he feels so far. Thank you for your promise that you will NEVER leave me or forsake me. Although you see far at times, I know in my heart that you are not far at all. That is your promise to me. (Matthew 28, Joshua 1:9, and many more) One thing I ask and one thing that I seek, is that I could dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life....how awesome would that be. One day it will come. However, for now, cherish the moments when God feels close and trust that he is close when he feels far.
Christ's closeness is not based on our feelings and experiences; but instead on his promise.
3 comments:
Hey Matt, it seems like I almost go through cycles where I am very good at staying in the word, hearing God's word, and feeling a close connection and then things unravel in my life and I fall apart. I let my connection with God suffer when things go awry. It is then I feel that God's the farthest so I can definitely relate. I recently posted on my Facebook that I had been humbled because it seemed that a week ago, everything was going wrong. I caught myself wondering where God was when I knew that He was going to provide. (How prideful of me, huh?) Well, literally 55 minutes later (after having an emotional meltdown)my phone rang and my prayers were answered. I couldn't help but get down on my knees and cry, thanking God for reminding me that He was there the whole time, I just needed to be patient. Anyway, I know that God is there for us all, even through the things we experience every day. Don't be discouraged.
I had a similar time over about the same span of time as you. From about the middle of March to the middle of April, I felt God's presence with me like never before. Every moment HE was my source and my strength. Then, after that month, I can't even put my finger on what changed, but I personally feel like the enemy saw something good going on, and He stepped it up a notch to try and get me back in his grip. Well, once I was able to identify that, and to realize that God's presence with me had not changed, I have been able to (slowly) experience the presence of the Almighty again - even in my not-so-great days. I think when things are going well, satan is threatened and does his best to take control. But, praise God that the battle is already won - we just have to recognize and accept that...EVERY day - EVERY moment of every day! And what a cool thing when we're able to do that!
I love your last line: "Christ's closeness is based not on feelings but on His promise.." That's something I cling to, as emotional as I tend to be. His promises are all we have to stand on. Left to ourselves, we'll fail every time. It's a marathon, this race we're running. We are in it for the long haul, running, tripping, getting up again, and keeping on running!
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