Having Fun through Theology, Intimacy and Sex (Day 3)
The story of 30 years of loving Jesus while having fun and enjoying the pleasures of marital intimacy by an anonymous couple at Netcast.
Having Fun through Theology, Intimacy, and Sex
Being intimate for us encompasses much more than a physical act with each other. It is us not being afraid to reveal and share ourselves with each other. In the Garden, when God created man and woman, they experienced a level of intimacy with each other that caused Adam to sing with joy as he finally felt complete in a way he had never felt before.
"Then the man said, "This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh" (Genesis 2:23 ESV)
Before the Fall, they enjoyed such intimacy with each other and with God, that they had nothing to hide from Him or from each other emotionally. Before the Fall, they were unaware that they were naked and they had nothing to hide physically. And then quickly, with both of them complicit, it all changed.
"Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths. And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, "Where are you?" And he said, "I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself." (Genesis 3:7-10 ESV)
In one terrible act, their intimacy with God was lost. And, perhaps, their intimacy with each other was damaged for ever as they began to blame each other and their circumstances for their shortcomings.
"The man said, "The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate." Then the Lord God said to the woman, "What is this that you have done?" The woman said, "The serpent deceived me, and I ate." (Genesis 3:12, 13 ESV)
It's interesting that their first action, as a couple with lost intimacy with God and with each other, was to hide their sexual organs.
"Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they ... made themselves loincloths." (Genesis 3:7 ESV)
It was clear that things weren't going to be much fun after that: there is lots of toil, sweating, and pain that is described as a consequence of the lost intimacy with God. In the garden after the fall and as a result of sin, ALL things became work and toil, sex included. What was once effortless and always perfect, now intentionally needs to be maintained. As a result of sin and lost intimacy with God, even sexual relations with the partner that God created for you can be flawed, can be work and require effort to maintain. ALL of creation, formerly perfect, was damaged by the fall. But for us, marriage and sex has been one of our most cherished gifts this side of heaven.
What began in college with a "flirt", was quickly followed by a first date, friendship, romance and ultimately marriage. It's totally crazy, but we knew after four months of dating that we wanted to get married; highly bizarre even to us. In anticipation, we started buying married people "stuff" like dishes, pots & pans and the like and hid them away. After what we thought would be an acceptable time to our parents, we asked their permission to marry. All were excited, everything was cool.
Fast forward three years to the wedding...
No joke, we had to wait THREE YEARS for one of us to finish college so they didn't have to pay their parents back for the education. That was the deal: if married or dropped out of school before the diploma was in hand, it was payback time. These parents were serious and really weren't kidding! The wedding was phenomenal, over the top, and what many people only dream of. All we cared about though was the wedding night. Waiting for sex was a long haul and we almost didn't make it. We were the LAST ones to leave our wedding reception because it was so fun to talk and spend time with friends. Finally at the hotel, life was good. A lingering first bath together in anticipation of much more to come that evening, well really, it was early morning by then. Little did we know "more" would come, but in the form of siblings and their spouses bearing champagne, and sitting all over the our bed! Not kidding, how ever did they find us , let alone get in? (story for another time though)!
Anyway, between the bath and the sibling arrival was the culmination of three years of waiting for sex. Two virgins, madly in love, naked and not ashamed! It really was amazing to become one physically for the first time, after developing intimacy in other ways for three long years. Neither of us had prior experience or other sexual relationships intruding on our first night of sexual intimacy. It wasn't that it was long and drawn out, but tender, slow, romantic and ALL about the needs of the other. It was a "perfect" first time.
Amazingly enough though, the real beauty wasn't really that night but in the months, years and decades that followed. We can now look back and know that we guarded and protected a very special gift that has and always will belong only to us, given and honored by God. For us, now married couple for more than 30 years, having fun with each other begins with being transparent and unashamed with each other, and with a desire to return to the garden in true intimacy. It requires being intentional about emotional and physical intimacy with our partner and best friend. We were made as physical and sexual beings to enjoy each other, and if there is something between us (like clothes), then we can't (fully) enjoy each other. But it also means we can't have emotional stuff between us, and that means being honest about ourselves, each other and what we like. It also means that we look for things we enjoy doing together, because once we have emotional intimacy then the physical intimacy is so much better.
Three years of developing emotional intimacy led to an amazing physical intimacy. But now, sometimes it's reversed. As we enjoy physical games together, we laugh, create memories and develop deeper emotional intimacy. Memories like naked hide-and-seek, with all the lights out. While the hiding and the seeking are fun, the finding was even better. Memories like strip pool - you miss a shot and off comes a piece of clothing. Memories like "Lose a bet, become my sex slave". (This last requires some explanation - sex slave doesn't mean degradation and domination. It means your partner is totally committed to doing what makes you feel good. You make me feel good, and I GUARANTEE you will feel good). Memories like a dice game: roll a six, and kiss something round. Roll a seven, and I rub your back. Roll a twelve, and you pick the body part I have to massage. Roll a three and tell me the happiest memory from the last year. (Making our own rules for both physical or emotional intimacy for each number is still part of the fun.). Memories like having sex in every room in the house, and then remembering which room was best.
Part of restoration back to the garden, through the blood of Christ, is that we can live life without guilt. Nothing is off limit for us when it comes to sex, because we love and respect each other. God created us to enjoy each other, He doesn't tell us what we can and cannot do for our enjoyment, except to say we have become one. We enjoy giving kisses to all parts of our bodies. We enjoy giving and receiving oral sex. We enjoy tickling each other with feathers when one of us can't move. We enjoy trying different positions in different locations: inside, outside, in the garage during the middle of the afternoon. But sometimes an experiment doesn't work. It's not pleasurable, one of us feels uncomfortable, it's not the garden experience of intimacy. So - we laugh, we stop, we say "That was really not fun." - and we don't do it again!
When we were married, two became one. We love each other as we love ourselves, and over 30 plus years, we enjoy our oneness without guilt on how we do that sexually. Some ways we build intimacy are physical, some are emotional but all are aimed at making us more "one". That's particularly true when we intentionally make plans together. We then get to enjoy the physical aspects of intimacy three times: during the planning, during the doing, and during the remembering. After 30 plus years of marriage all three are great!