In the past, I have been wronged by many people have never asked for forgiveness from me. As I think of my own story, I am reminded that everyone has been wronged, offended, and sinned against at some point. The question for you and I is different than the rest of the world because we are Christians. So we must ask; How are we as Christians to respond when such offenses occur? According to the Bible, we are to forgive all offenses. Ephesians 4:32 declares, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Colossians 3:13 proclaims, “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
The key in both Scriptures is that we are to forgive others as God has forgiven us. So, what is the reason that we forgive? Why do we forgive if people don't care if we forgive anyway? I think there are two answers.
1. Because we have been forgiven! Those who are not Christians, however, have not been forgiven by God and have neither the power nor the desire to forgive other people. Often times, it is simply the Holy Spirit that convicts us of our sin so without the Holy Spirit, a person my be totally blind to their wrongs.
2. Forgiving others frees us, not just them. If we are honest, our lack of forgiveness towards others has us absolutely enslaved to the hurts that have been done to us. We can't stop thinking about what has been done to us, we demand that we get justice for the hurt people have caused us. We wish the worse against the people who hurt us. And, all of that thinking keeps us a slave to our hurts and keeps us in bondage to our past.
Forgiveness would be simple if we only had to grant it to those who come asking for it and have repented. The Bible tells us that we are to forgive, without condition, those who sin against us. That goes for those who want our forgiveness and those who don't care if we forgive them. Refusing to truly forgive a person demonstrates resentment, bitterness, and anger, none of which are the beautiful traits of a true Christian. Jesus teaches us that, we are to ask God to forgive us our sins, just as we forgive those who sin against us (Matthew 6:12). Jesus also said in Matthew 6:14-15,“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.” All this is saying that when you and I refuse to forgive others, it is a good eye opener that we are not aware of the depths of Gods forgiveness towards us.
When you and I can consider the extent to which God forgives all our sins, we realize that we do not have the right to withhold grace and forgiveness from others. We have sinned against God infinitely more than any person can sin against us. And I say that as one who has been been horribly sinned against by others. If God forgives us of so much, how can we refuse to forgive others of so little?
The big idea that I can't get away from is that in order to truly be free from our past hurts, we have to forgive others. God always commands us to do something because it is in our best interest to be obedient. God doesn't want us to forgive others for the sake of others. That may be a benefit, but not the main purpose. God simply wants us to forgive others because it is going to be most freeing for us. We are his children and he delights in freeing us from our bondage.
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
If your marriage is not perfect.
In the last year of marriage, Beth and I have learned more about marriage than we did in the first 8. Church planting has its ways of pressing a marriage on every side and exposing things in you that you never thought were there. Between the ridiculous hours, the pressures of success, the incredible relational demands, 4 kids and the exposing of our idols, by God's grace, Beth and I are building an incredible oneness. We have had unique opportunities to be counseled by some incredibly Godly people and also offer counseling to pre-maritals and some struggling relationships. Here is some that we have learned.
Marriage is be one of the most difficult challenges in a persons life. Beth and I have experienced some major challenges along the way in our relationship. Something that we learned is that marriage is a sacred covenant that joins two people together in one flesh (Matthew 19:5). It is not easy because it's very difficult for two sinners to live in peaceful harmony (2 Corinthians 6:14-15). If Beth and I aren't pursuing Jesus together, the inherent struggles of living under two different authorities quickly become apparent.
Often Christians in this situation will look for a way out of the marriage. At times we can even convince ourselves that this is the only way to truly be happy and even bring honor to God. You may be thinking "God wants me leave; or God wants me to be happy; or God would never want me to feel this way." His Word, however, says nothing like that. It is very important not only to be content in our marriage, (unless of extreme circumstances such physical sexual unfaithfulness or abuse) but also to look for ways to bring glory to Jesus out of our challenging circumstances (1 Corinthians 7:17). Unless you look to Jesus to be your source of satisfaction, you'll never experience the true joy of marriage. The problem with this is we too often look to our spouse to be our source of satisfaction and joy when they are a sinner by nature. And for some reason, even though you knew that when you said "I do"; you're surprised when you feel the effects of being married to a sinner.
My encouragement is that you would pray for the power of the Holy Spirit to enable you both humble yourself in submission to Christ (Ephesians 5:21) and live in the light of God's presence (1 John 1:7). Seek God's transforming power to change your hearts and produce the fruit of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).
A Christian wife is obligated to have a submissive heart, even toward a man that is not perfect or even unbelieving (1 Peter 3:1), and you will need to remain close to God and rely on His grace to enable you to do so. A Christian husband is called to love his wife well, by taking his eyes off of his own desires and seek to love Jesus by serving his wife. I would argue that you, like Beth and I, struggle to do this. My encouragement to you is that you would stop looking at marriage as a covenant to bring YOU happiness and joy but rather as a covenant to serve each other and honor Jesus. In that, we will find our greatest Joy. I promise, because God promises.
Lastly, we are not meant to walk through marriage alone; we need to find support from outside sources like our church, Godly marriage counselors, Godly books on marriage, Godly teachings on marriage online, and and other Christians in our lives. Being in a struggling marriage does not alter the sacredness of the relationship, so it should be your priority to pray, asking Christ's light to shine brightly (Philippians 2:14).
Don't give up on your marriage. Fight for your marriage, Fight for each other and fight to honor Jesus. I am convinced that the strong will fight for this but the weak will roll over and quit. Be Strong!! Joshua 1:9 says "Be Strong and Courageous…God is with you."
Marriage is be one of the most difficult challenges in a persons life. Beth and I have experienced some major challenges along the way in our relationship. Something that we learned is that marriage is a sacred covenant that joins two people together in one flesh (Matthew 19:5). It is not easy because it's very difficult for two sinners to live in peaceful harmony (2 Corinthians 6:14-15). If Beth and I aren't pursuing Jesus together, the inherent struggles of living under two different authorities quickly become apparent.
Often Christians in this situation will look for a way out of the marriage. At times we can even convince ourselves that this is the only way to truly be happy and even bring honor to God. You may be thinking "God wants me leave; or God wants me to be happy; or God would never want me to feel this way." His Word, however, says nothing like that. It is very important not only to be content in our marriage, (unless of extreme circumstances such physical sexual unfaithfulness or abuse) but also to look for ways to bring glory to Jesus out of our challenging circumstances (1 Corinthians 7:17). Unless you look to Jesus to be your source of satisfaction, you'll never experience the true joy of marriage. The problem with this is we too often look to our spouse to be our source of satisfaction and joy when they are a sinner by nature. And for some reason, even though you knew that when you said "I do"; you're surprised when you feel the effects of being married to a sinner.
My encouragement is that you would pray for the power of the Holy Spirit to enable you both humble yourself in submission to Christ (Ephesians 5:21) and live in the light of God's presence (1 John 1:7). Seek God's transforming power to change your hearts and produce the fruit of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).
A Christian wife is obligated to have a submissive heart, even toward a man that is not perfect or even unbelieving (1 Peter 3:1), and you will need to remain close to God and rely on His grace to enable you to do so. A Christian husband is called to love his wife well, by taking his eyes off of his own desires and seek to love Jesus by serving his wife. I would argue that you, like Beth and I, struggle to do this. My encouragement to you is that you would stop looking at marriage as a covenant to bring YOU happiness and joy but rather as a covenant to serve each other and honor Jesus. In that, we will find our greatest Joy. I promise, because God promises.
Lastly, we are not meant to walk through marriage alone; we need to find support from outside sources like our church, Godly marriage counselors, Godly books on marriage, Godly teachings on marriage online, and and other Christians in our lives. Being in a struggling marriage does not alter the sacredness of the relationship, so it should be your priority to pray, asking Christ's light to shine brightly (Philippians 2:14).
Don't give up on your marriage. Fight for your marriage, Fight for each other and fight to honor Jesus. I am convinced that the strong will fight for this but the weak will roll over and quit. Be Strong!! Joshua 1:9 says "Be Strong and Courageous…God is with you."
Genuine Forgiveness and Reconciliation with each other.
I have received many emails in the past month that deal with relating to each other after we have been hurt by one another. I want to explain our stance on this topic because in the past it has been abused to force people to try and relate to others in ways that seem Godly but are not actually genuine.
One thought that has helped me in the past is remembering that after this life, there will be full reconciliation in heaven. Full reconciliation to God and each other. Until then we fight for as much reconciliation as possible here on earth and savor the day where full reconciliation will be granted to all of us as a gift. Oh, what a day that will be.
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