Tazer Gun…best story I have ever read!!!

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that: a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;

a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and

a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note:
If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer,
one note of caution:

There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!
A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

• My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
• The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.
• My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
• My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
• I had no control over the drooling.
• Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.
• I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.

I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!

Encounter: Love Expressed - Body Language

There is a movement within evangelicalism right now that I personally believe to be a good movement, that God is worshipped in all things. Its a very biblical movement that simply says that in all we do we aught to worship God.

We don’t just worship God through Song, but there are other means in which we worship Jesus.

• Giving is a means of worship.

• Studying God's word is a means of worship.

• Working unto the Lord and providing for your family is worship.

• Prayer is a means of worship.

• Taking Communion is a means of worship.

Really, according to Romans 12, anything that is a sacrifice unto Jesus is considered a means of worship.

If worship is everything, worship is nothing.

CS Lewis makes the argument in Mere Christianity, that if Truth is everything, than truth is nothing. Basically stating, if all truth is true, than no truth is true. The same goes for worship, if worship is everything, than worship is really nothing.

Worship is......Love Expressed

Expression of Love matters, and the way people receive that expressed love is different.

My wife Beth likes Quality Time, Back Rub, Talk on the phone. Personally, those things don't matter very much to me. I like to be served. That's my love language. Along the same line, you cant express love to people in ways that they don’t receive it. Love isn’t about you, its about them.

In the scriptures, we actually see certain ways that God likes to have love expressed to him. And often times you see that Posture matters as we express that love to him through song.

Lets take a look at how this is played out in the scriptures.

Context:

The original Hebrew language is very pictorial. What I mean by that is there may be 5 different words in Hebrew that we only can translate to one word. For example; the word Love in the Bible has 4 different words to describe it because there are different types of love. Personally I love basketball, calzones, my church, my wife, my kids, my friends, and Jesus. However, I love all of those things differently. Well, the Hebrew has specific words for those types of love.

The same is true for the word “Praise”. Praise has a variety of meaning in the scriptures, and how we translate to the word praise, the Scriptures have many different words for it in the Original Hebrew Language. Lets look at 5 Hebrew words that Gods uses when describing how He desires for us to worship and express our love to him. As we study these words, lets take a strong look at how our Posture before him matters.

• Hallal: (Ha-lel) To praise, to make a show or rave about, to glory in or boast upon, to be clamorously foolish about you adoration of God

Psalm 22:23 You who fear the Lord, praise him! All you descendants of Jacob, glorify him, and fear him, all you offspring of Israel!

Psalm 44:8 In God we boast all day long, and praise your name forever. Selah

Psalm 63:5 My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness, and my mouth shall praise you with joyful lips.

• Barak: (Ba-rock)to kneel or bow, to give reverence to God as an act of adoration, implies a continual conscious giving place to God, to be attuned to him and his presence

Psalm 34:1 I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth.

Psalm 100:4 Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise. Be thankful to him, and bless his name.

Psalm 95:6 Oh come, let us worship and bow down; Let us kneel before the Lord our maker.

• Todah: (Tow-dah) an extension of the hand, avowal, adoration, a choir of worshipers, confession, sacrifice of praise, thanksgiving

Psalm 50:14 Offer to God thanksgiving, and pay your vows to the Most High.

Psalm 69:30 I will praise the name of God with a song, and will magnify him with thanksgiving.

• Zamar: (Za-mar) to touch the strings or parts of a musical instrument i.e. play upon it, to make music accompanied by the voice or other parts of the body, to celebrate in song and music, to make noise.

Psalm 144:9 I will sing a new song to you, O God; On a harp of ten strings I will sing praises to you...

• Guwl: (Gool) to spin around, to be physically under the influence of any violent emotion.

Psalm 32:11 Be glad in the Lord and rejoice, you righteous; And shout for joy, all you upright in heart!

Psalm 35:9 And my soul shall be joyful in the Lord; It shall rejoice in his salvation.

Psalm 118:24 This is the day the Lord has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it.

These words are good examples that should challenge us all. In these words we see that God desires a specific posture when we express our love towards him. He desires to have a good balance of acting foolish before him, yet reverent as we recognize who we are in light of who he is. We see that he desires for us to join in making a noise to him, whether it be with our voices, our feet, our hands or instruments. The band is there to lead us into worship, not to put on a worship show for us. God desires for us to raise our arms to him. This shows a number of things. It demonstrates surrender, excitement, and even the express of a child lifting their arms to their daddy in an effort to be lifted up.

In all, we simply see that posture matters to Jesus as we gather for corporate worship.

Our argument against this....

There is a temptation to say: “ We'll I don't do that. I don't express my love to Jesus like that.”

We'll quite frankly, its not about you, its about how Jesus likes to be loved and worshiped. If all we do is make worship about how we like to express it, than worship is about us.........And Worship is about Him, not us!!

I have had many people push back on physical expression during worship an say, "That's not me." I agree. Personally, I am a white American with little to no rhythm. When I think about my culture, it is safe to say that typically white westerners aren't the type you typically think of getting all excited about Jesus with dancing and singing. That's not my culture. That said, we have to ask the question…..do we want to be cultural or biblical. Surely we should be able to look at the scriptures and allow what it says to bump up against our culture. Isn't that the point?

At Netcast, it is my hear that we grow to become a biblical church, not a cultural church.

Why is this important?

Because he is watching…….look at these two verses.

John 4:23 (NIV) Jesus speaking....Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks.

2 Chronicles 16:9 (NIV) For the eyes of the LORD range to and fro the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.

My encouragement to Netcast is this…..If Jesus is going to and fro the earth in an effort to seek worshippers who worship Him by (Spirit) the power and enabling of the Holy Spirit, and (Truth) in the manner and posture in which he enjoys and delights in; than LET HIM FIND US!!

Are those the only ways God enjoys to be worshipped? No, absolutely not. But they are a part of it.

This sermon is called "Body Language" and can be found at http://www.netcastchurch.org/#/audio-video

Netcast Update (Lots of people; Lots of stories)

Yesterday, we celebrated being 9 months old and we did it by seeing 6 people come to faith in Jesus and baptizing 7 people in front of an attendance of 257 gathered for worship. Honestly, I have no idea how we were able to get that many people into the YMCA but it happened and it was beautiful.

We are seeing people put their faith in Jesus every weekend. However, far beyond all of the numerical excitement are the stories of what Jesus is doing in the lives of the people at Netcast. Our church is living intentionally on mission and the stories we hear throughout the week are amazing. Currently we have 7 Netcast Community Groups up and running and are looking to be in a larger space at the beginning of 2012. Our staff has grown to 3 full-time people who are fundraising their own support, with 3 other volunteer staff members.

One of my close friends, Park Thomas, who I've been sharing the gospel with for the past 10 months got saved on September 4th at Netcast. He was baptized this weekend and I would encourage you to take 5 minutes and watch his Baptism Video at http://vimeo.com/30603631. This is a glimpse of what is going on here in Greater Boston.

Please pray for me as I begin fundraising for 2012. Netcast has begun to pay a portion of my salary each month but I am still in need of raising about $40,000 for the 2nd year. This will help with my salary and expenses that come with moving to a new facility. With all of the people and ministry needs, its been hard to dedicate time to the fundraising portion of the church. It typically takes 5 years for a new church to be financially self-sustaining. That said, I praise God for this awesome opportunity and how you have partnered with us in it.

Thank you for your prayers and love towards us. We love you more than you know.

Matt

More Netcast baptism videos at http://vimeo.com/netcastchurch/videos

Matt Chewning
Netcast Church - Lead Pastor
netcastchurch.org matt@netcastchurch.org

Party after the Baptism Service this Sunday.

Spread the word…….Join us for another Baptism Service on Sunday.

This weekend we will be baptizing 7 more people and celebrating all the amazing things that Jesus is doing in the lives of people at Netcast. One of those people being baptized this weekend is Libby Pepin. Her family owns The Clam Bake in Ipswich, MA.

On Sunday after the Baptism service, her family has invited the entire church out for a free Incredible Clam Bake Lunch. All we have to do is show up and the Pepin's will provide everything. If the weather permits, there will also be a bunch of outdoor lawn games for everyone. It's only about a 15 minute drive from church.

This is an awesome blessing, so lets take advantage of it. The address is:
354 Linebrook Rd
Ipswich, MA

Beyond that, lets pack the house out again. This is an awesome opportunity to get your friends, family and neighbors in front of some powerful testimonies of God's saving and changing power through Jesus Christ and the cross.

See you Sunday.

Pastor Matt

Worship is Warfare; Fight the Battle.

The more I read CS Lewis (aka Jack) the more I am beginning to love the man. In his book The Screwtape Letters, he drops this line:

“There are two equal and opposite errors into which our race can fall about the devils. One is to disbelieve in their existence. The other is to believe and to feel an excessive and unhealthy interest in them” - CS Lewis.

On one hand, there are a group of people that think there is a demon under every pillow.

Example:

• Forgetting your keys and locking yourself out was the Key Demon. (Your an idiot)

• Running over a nail on the way to bible study and getting a flat was the Nail Demon.

• Your internet isn't working is the Web Demon. (Or Comcast sucks)

The other extreme is that Spiritual Warfare doesnt exist at all.

Examples:

• Everything is a chemical imbalance, depression, bad health caused by poor eating or lack of exercise.

• The answer to everything is either good psychiatric counseling, prescription drugs, governmental reform or proper education

Lets look at how this spiritual battle began and The Story of Satan.

Satan's Beauty and Role:

Ezekiel 28:12-14

Thus says the Lord GOD:
"You were the signet of perfection,(D) full of wisdom and(E) perfect in beauty.
13You were in(F) Eden, the garden of God;
(G) every precious stone was your covering,
(H) sardius, topaz, and diamond,
 beryl, onyx, and jasper,
sapphire,[b](I) emerald, and carbuncle;
 and crafted in gold were your settings
 and your engravings.[c]
On the day that you were created they were prepared.
14You were an anointed(J) guardian cherub.
 I placed you;[d] you were on(K) the holy mountain of God;
 in the midst of the stones of fire you walked.

Satan's Sin in heaven:

Isaiah 14:12-14

12"How(A) you are fallen from heaven,
O Day Star, son of Dawn!
How you are cut down to the ground,
 you who laid the nations low!
13You said in your heart,
'I will ascend to heaven;
above the stars of God
I will set my throne on high; I will sit on the mount of assembly in the far reaches of the north;[a]
14I will ascend above the heights of the clouds;
 I will make myself like the Most High.'

War in Heaven:

Revelation 12:7-9

7Now war arose in heaven,(A) Michael and(B) his angels fighting against the dragon. And the dragon and his angels fought back, 8but he was defeated, and there was no longer any place for them in heaven. 9And(C) the great dragon was thrown down,(D) that ancient serpent, who is called the devil and Satan,(E) the deceiver of the whole world—(F) he was thrown down to the earth, and his angels were thrown down with him.

What does Satan now do on earth?

1 Peter 5:8

8Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

In Job and Jude (which we'll see later) we see that God has given Satan limitations and boundaries while he exists on earth. He cannot just do anything he wants.

Satan's first victims and God's plan of redemption:

Genesis 3:15

15I will put enmity between you and the woman,
 and between your offspring[a] and(A) her offspring;
(B) he shall bruise your head,
 and you shall bruise his heel."

Satan's plan to overthrow God's plan.

Since the beginning, it has always been Satan's plan to overthrow God. Knowing that the only way to stop the Messiah from being born, this is what the angles did to overstep their boundaries and attempt the messiah from being born of the woman.

Genesis 6:1-4

1When man began to multiply on the face of the land and daughters were born to them, 2the sons of God saw that the daughters of man were attractive. And they took as their wives any they chose. 3Then the LORD said,(A) "My Spirit shall not abide in[a] man forever,(B) for he is flesh: his days shall be 120 years." 4The Nephilim[b] were on the earth in those days, and also afterward, when the sons of God came in to the daughters of man and they bore children to them. These were the mighty men who were of old, the men of renown.

God ends Satan's plan again.

After the Demonic angles overstepped their boundaries and God gets the last word and deals with them properly.

Jude 1:6

6And(A) the angels who did not stay within their own position of authority, but left their proper dwelling, he has kept in eternal chains under gloomy darkness until the judgment of the great day—

God brings the flood and starts over with Noah:

Genesis 8 and 9

Jesus enters the scene.

John the baptist comes as prophesied in Isaiah saying: Prepare the way of the Lord. In other-words, we've been waiting for years for God to send his son and he's here. After Jesus is born to Mary an Joseph, you see Satan again trying to distort Gods plan by leading Herod to kill every child 2 and under in Egypt. God in his providence, again overcomes Satan's plan by sending Joseph and Mary along with baby Jesus to safety.

Jesus then grows us, lives the life we should have lived. No sin, blameless, perfect and holy. He fulfills everything that God has for him and never falls to any of the temptations that Satan throws at him.

Death of Jesus and a quick visit.

1 Peter 3:18-20

18For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive in the spirit, 19in which he went and proclaimed to the spirits in prison, 20because they formerly did not obey, when God’s patience waited in the days of Noah, while the ark was being prepared, in which a few, that is, eight persons, were brought safely through water.

I love how we see Jesus going to visit those demons who tried to stop Him in Genesis. In my opinion, I think Jesus went down there to talk some major trash.

So, what does this mean for us?

Colossians 2:13-15

13(A) And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God(B) made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, 14by(C) canceling(D) the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross. 15(E) He disarmed the rulers and authorities[a] and(F) put them to open shame, by(G) triumphing over them in him.[b

Let me explain it like this....Because we are sinners, everyone alive has bought into demonic lies and choose to align themselves with Satan in his war against God. It started with Adam and Eve, and continues with us. Most of us think of demonic activity as things like Palm Readers or movies like The Exorcism, but that is not what we see in the scriptures. We see in the scriptures that as we buy into holding anything up to the place of God (Materialism, False Religions, Jobs, our Families, etc) That is demonic in nature. We also see in scripture that anytime we begin to deviate from what we know to be the will of God (when God says left, but we go right), that is also demonic in nature. We see that when Peter tells Jesus not to go to the cross, and Jesus replies by saying, “Get behind me Satan.”

Everyone in humans history is guilty of this at some level. The only exception is Jesus Christ who resisted every temptation (Luke 4:1-13) and remains continually sinless (Hebrews 4:15). Because of this, Jesus alone can and will defeat Satan, liberate us from slavery to the worship of false gods, and usher us into a freedom that continues forever with Him. This was made possible by Jesus dying in our place for our sins to defeat our Enemy and liberate us into new life.

Hebrews says it like this…..

Hebrews 2:14-15 Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might destroy him who holds the power of death—that is, the devil— and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death.

If Satan has been defeated, how is there still a fight?

Example: On August 6^th 1945, about 3 ½ years after attack on Pearl Harbor, the US dropped the first Atomic Bomb onto Japan which threw havoc among the japanese as they continued to rage war during World War 2. Three days later, on August 9^th, the US dropped the second Atomic Bomb on Japan which later that day led the Emperor to declare a state of surrender of all military forces.

Although the war was officially over and Japan surrendered on August 9^th, it wasn't until September 12^th that the last Japanese Military Division got word to surrender. Between August 9^th and September 12^th, the fighting was just as fierce, violent and deadly as it always was. It wasn’t until 1947 that America released the last POW back to Japan. So, you see that although the war was already won, fighting still went on.

The same is true for us. Though Jesus has won the victory for us, the victory has not been fully enforced yet. Although the war has been won, battles are going to continue.

• Revelation 12:11-12: And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death. Therefore, rejoice, O heavens and you who dwell in them! But woe to you, O earth and sea, for the devil has come down to you in great wrath, because he knows that his time is short!"

Satan knows that he doesn't have much time left and that he has lost. However, in his remaining time, he still attempts to distort God's plan by pestering God people.

How do we fight that fight?

It starts with a recognition that “We do not fight for victory, we fight from victory.”

• 1 John 4:4

Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for(A) he who is in you is greater than(B) he who is in the world.

• 1 John 5:4-5

For(A) everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world, our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world except the one who believes(C) that Jesus is the Son of God?

• James 4:7

7Submit yourselves therefore to God.(A) Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

I believe that the way that we fight from victory is through the praise of His name. Specifically through corporate praise where two or more are gathered together.

Here are 3 examples of this…..

Joshua 6 you see the walls of Jericho come down after the priests play trumpets, march around in worship for 7 days and shout to the Lord. When they do, the walls come down.

2 Chronicles 20:17, 20-23 You see that the leader appoints people to worship before the battle and when the battle begins, God destroys everyone.

Acts 16:16-26 Paul and Silas are arrested, flogged and thrown in jail. At the sound of them singing hymns and praising God, 26 Suddenly there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken. At once all the prison doors flew open, and everybody’s chains came loose.

• Worship is celebrating the win before we actually see the victory come to pass.

• By doing this we show faith. And.....Faith is our avenue in pleasing God. Hebrews 11:6 “Without faith, it is impossible to please God.”

A few questions to think about….

• What if we viewed our worship as battle; how would your corporate worship through song look different?

• Knowing that our corporate worship through song is warfare; how might that change our preparation, our volume, or even our posture?